I just woke up this morning with pictures of me with another guy on my iPhone... This would be normal cause you know, chuck's a great guy, but i also found some blond pubes caught in the rubber protector...

My feminist lit. class have a chick wearing a Girls Gone Wild shirt. I don't think she gets it.

went to the bathroom to find a used tampon and a bloody condom. who was i talking to last night?

dude i woke up this morning naked with a hangover a g string on my head and one of my teeth missing "well i at least my nose wasnt cold!!what the hell happen last night ??

turns out her boobs are fakes... feels like I just found out the easter bunny isn't real.

i feel like im getting dick. and then the person sent another message saying she meant to say sick! lol

GUY: Baby since your already pregnant if we have sex can you have twins? Me: Darling go ask your mom.... 10 minutes later... GUY: Mom told me to google it.. ME: and? GUY: you cant get pregnant when your already pregnant... ME: ok your not tellin me something i didnt already know. GUY: Can we have sex now?

Bacon grease does not make good lip gloss.

In your dreams when you shoot people do you use your finger say "bang bang" and then tell them they're dead or do you have real guns?

Yea, we did it in the snow. I have a new found respect for the term blue balls.