I told her it was more like "Stink Floyd".

She tried to tell me that Pie was a number. WTF is she talking about?

Opened the bathroom door to find box of condoms and a safety pin... I'm pretty sure she figured out I left by now.

got high this morning and my cat gave me a high five. I love having pets.

I just don't understand why he cries during sex. It makes no sense.

my friend sent me the text: hel yes my gomeslice i effiing love you my asiwn spice mxtre form in my blender.

so i got a txt from my ex and he said"thoes pix you sent me were hot as hell"and i replied with "what pix" and he said "dont play dumb ya kno the bad ones" lol i was like "whos playing"

(847) is it still considered a threesome if a midget is involved. (224) I have no idea, why? (847) I need o figure out what to call last night.

Piece of advice, beer pancakes aren't as good as they sound. Worst breakfast ever.

Thought I just walked in on my parents... it wasn't my mom.