My girlfriend's sister greeted me with a kiss on the lips that lasted about two full seconds. Do you think that's over the top?

Friend:if some ppl arnt Christian then they don't beleive and god which means,wait,then how do they think they got here? Me:it's this thing called sex?ever heard of it?

Me: Ahhh A fabulous world! That can be painted with a paaaaa-ntbrush! Leeets have a toast with our boots! Hetaaaaliiiiiaaa! Friend: Erm...you ok? Me: But Germany is scary! Friend: Ok....then? Me: I will express how angry I am with this piano! Friend: Your angry? Me: Draw a circle theres a world! Draw a circle theres a world! Draw a circle theres a world! I\'m Hetaaaaliiiiiaaa! Friend: OMFG what are you ON?! Me: Hetalia. Friend: Is that a drug??!!

It won't never be over.  I'll git you back!

So I woke up with a hair scrunchy around my balls and my balls were purple. Seriously. Purple!

So Theres This Chick I Kindof Know Named Chrissy. A Month Ago I Found Out My Boyfriend Was Cheating On Me. I Talked To Chrissy And Her Boyfriend Was Too. We Realized It WAS THE SAME DUDE. I Went To The Doctor Last Week. We Both Now Have Gonorrhea :[

Him - fkn hate it when the morning wood last like a half hour, lol. Me- so has your problem settled down yet? Him - lol well it doesn't usually last like 40 minutes, I figured I would share with everyone.

I found a watermelon seed in my poop this morning. I don't even remember the last time I ate watermelon but it certainly wasn't within the last week. What's up with that?

I love you has 8 letters in it so does bullshit