Her: please just give me another chance, Me: No Her: then i give up im gonna kill myself im goig to hell!!! Me: save me a seat =p

him; knocking the monkey unconscience, sounds like violent masturbation. me; what are you talking about? theres no monkeys, its the horse.

I was just walking down the street when one of the vendors asked "who wants to buy nuts" A prostitue yelled "I Do"!

I woke up with cotton mouth. It tasted like some midget had took a dump in my mouth while I was asleep.

Friend: I saw ur ex @ the club and I pushed him down the stairs & told him that he fucked with my boy and it wasn't ok. Me: Really? Friend: And then I stepped on his foot w/ my stiletto & stole his drink & called him a bitch in front of his friends. Me: Really? Friend: No. But I gave him a shit look and and though about it. Me: Good. Because I slept with him this afternoon and we are talking about getting back together. Friend: LMFAO

My recent outgoing calls from last night are domino's and 911 wonder how that night turned out..

i ended up swallowing my gum while giving him head and started chocking on my gum.

he was giving it to me in the butt, he said i was the cleanest butt ever, and then as soon as he finished saying that i shit everywere.

I woke up with my straightener in my kitchen and a hotdog on the straightener, it had to of been a good night.

Him: are you out if your mind? Me: what? Him: you are a mean poopie stink face for not inviting me to your party. (geez, he's 32)